Suddenly remembered this hilarious book i read during my UG days.
Penned by Fred Truman, that great English quick bowler and Frank Hardy, a trademark brand Aussie, both of who love to spin 'em yarns, its called " You nearly had him that time, and other cricket stories".
"You nearly had him that time" was the best yarn, and Truman talks about this umpire he once encountered in one of them matches for a club in Australia. The club brought its own umpire, and he always won the game for them. Truman was playing under a different name (Smith - a new fast bolwer for the club) under special request from the captian of the club that was playing against the club that brought its own umpire - a special effort by the club to nullify the advantage of the dubious umpire.
Truman was told about his umpiring, and having not seen him first hand thought of stories about him as an exaggeration, but nevertheless agreed to play and see for self what he's made of.
He marks his run-up first ball, and had the batsman genuinely edge to slips. " Not out". Truman plays it down as a true error by the umpire. Heck, it was the first ball.
Ball two, he bowls one short on the off, and the bat hits it to third man, who pulls of a good catch, in full view of the whole ground." Not out". Now Truman realises what he was up against.
Ball three, a scorcher pitched on middle, and straightening and hitting the batsman on his back foot, as plumb an LBW, if there ever was one." Not out". Truman, thoroughly bugged now whispers" Where's your guide dog, and forgot ur dark glasses back home" as he passes the umpire.
Ball four was a beauty yorker that squares the batter on his back leg right in fronta off, and has the batter whimpering due to the direct contact of ball with the unpadded foot. A more plumb LBW than the previous one. " Not out". Truman asks" Why, was it going under the stumps?". And the umpire says " No more cheek from you boy, else i will penalise your team with 50 runs".
Batsman gets bowled the fifth ball. " Not out".
Last ball of the over. A stunner, if there ever was one. The leg stump cartwheeled and landed next to the sightscreen. The uprooted off stump was held by a alert slip catcher, and they couldnt find the middle stump, anywhere in the ground, and as Truman was about to turn back and appeal, the umpire goes " My god, that was close Smith. You almost had him that time".
Yes, umpires are a strange breed, and especially in a batters game like cricket, a bowler bears the full brunt of the umpire's agony.
I suddenly remebered this because, we were playing a game yesterday, and had a species standing as the umpire, who cant say out from six, as in, he doesnt know whether the six has to be signalled with both hands raised, and he wudnt do that anyway, as that was too much of an exercise for that fatso.
So, i mark my run up, and bowl the first ball. A good ball. A single played down to cover." No ball". I was sure i landed like miles before the crease, and i am like" why?", and he says " You did not say your guard sonny". Next ball, once again called a no-ball, and im like " Why?". "Because you still did not say your guard".
So i say " right arm, over the wicket" and do my run up again, and " no ball" even before i had delivered. I am like " Wtf". And he goes " Just checking if you are alert enough. Carry on". Holy buckets.
Two balls passed without much ado, and a single later, a beauty pitched on off and moving away from the batter. Totally beaten. " Wide". "Hey, that just missed his bat. Thats not a wide".
"Its went down the leg side"
" Of course it did. But cant u see he is a left-hander? Its his off side".
" Now dont get into gory tech details dude. It was down the leg, and hence wide".
This happens three more times, and all wides. I then allow a single, and the right hander takes strike. Pitched on off, and moving away and beaten. " Wide" .
" Why, but it is on the off side this time. Wasnt it? Why wide".
" Because he couldnt hit it. Hence wide".
" It was just that did not hit it. Not could not".
" Its all the same. It is a wide".
My captain got bugged, and we got into a fight and after about 10 minutes of frenzied shouting, i resumed. And he says " Fresh over. Runs will count. The deliveries will not".
The match did not last another ball.
Not very wrong that i recollected the story, and hence the book.
Anyway, the book is a collection of cricket short stories, some 50 of them, each of which are extremely hilarious, in their own right. And a fair dinkum, and must read, if you know your cricket, and enjoy a yarn.
I checked for that book on Amazon to secure a personal copy, and this is what the search resulted in. No references in the top 10, at least.
Anyways, if anybody happens to be reading this, and know of a place where i could get the book from, please feel free to let me know about it. And while you are at it, enjoy the rippin yarn.
March 31, 2005
March 24, 2005
My idea of a poem -
I wrote this a long time ago, sometime last Nov when i was attending a class instructed by a Chinese prof. Yeah, the same guy that wrote Prithiviraj's name as ' Pathway' in a bizarre attempt to spell his name.
I have my reservations against this guy, and not without reasons. But, am not in a mood to get into all that series of events.
Anyway, this poem also coincided with that phase of my life when all that me and Ved were doing were getting rightly sozzled and were confused most of the time. We were inspired after watching 8 mile and were into hip-hop bigtime, trying to speak and move and act the way Eminem did in that movie. Now, that phase has gone away (and rightly so, even Eminem has mellowed), but all that stands in testimony of the fact we were cranked up at that time is this poem.
It might be a little abusive and offensive, but i will still settle and vouch for every word here. They still hold good. And im sure students that have taken classes instructed in English from a chinese prof will relate/endorse to this. And if you have happenned to hear ' 40 oz' from D-12 and remember its BG tune, try to read it along that. I did and liked it more that way.
Here goes
...................................................................................
He calls Himself Dr. Thaksang Zu
Interpol is searching him for escapin from a china zoo
From where he landed in US, Kalamazoo
How he managed to reach here, i have no clue
He has a jacket that is of color blue
Which he flicked after using the women's loo
He is totally pathetic, and i say it with a phew
Of his demented caliber, there are others very few
When he enters a class, everyone goes 'boo'
Which he sucks up to thinkin its a 'ooh'
He starts talkin, of which he/you hav no clue
And you are thinkin ' Hey, i could better understand a cow's mellow 'moo'
When you carry a doubt to Dr.Zu
He is sure to gonna raise a huge cry and hue
He will go ' Dare to ask me? Do you know i am who?'
That how good his English, never would a gal go to him and woo
One of you will be makin sense, and its probably you
Just talkin abt him makes me reach for powder floo
So i can fly home, and drink my homemade coffee brew
I dint exxagerate, every word i jus said was true.........
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I rest my case.
And yea, of course, the name has been changed.So, if you are from immediate vicinity and trace to the guy, i can still save my skin...
And oh yea, by the way, i still cant seem to decide on a suitable title, so feel free to suggest one, if you are in the mood for it.
I have my reservations against this guy, and not without reasons. But, am not in a mood to get into all that series of events.
Anyway, this poem also coincided with that phase of my life when all that me and Ved were doing were getting rightly sozzled and were confused most of the time. We were inspired after watching 8 mile and were into hip-hop bigtime, trying to speak and move and act the way Eminem did in that movie. Now, that phase has gone away (and rightly so, even Eminem has mellowed), but all that stands in testimony of the fact we were cranked up at that time is this poem.
It might be a little abusive and offensive, but i will still settle and vouch for every word here. They still hold good. And im sure students that have taken classes instructed in English from a chinese prof will relate/endorse to this. And if you have happenned to hear ' 40 oz' from D-12 and remember its BG tune, try to read it along that. I did and liked it more that way.
Here goes
...................................................................................
He calls Himself Dr. Thaksang Zu
Interpol is searching him for escapin from a china zoo
From where he landed in US, Kalamazoo
How he managed to reach here, i have no clue
He has a jacket that is of color blue
Which he flicked after using the women's loo
He is totally pathetic, and i say it with a phew
Of his demented caliber, there are others very few
When he enters a class, everyone goes 'boo'
Which he sucks up to thinkin its a 'ooh'
He starts talkin, of which he/you hav no clue
And you are thinkin ' Hey, i could better understand a cow's mellow 'moo'
When you carry a doubt to Dr.Zu
He is sure to gonna raise a huge cry and hue
He will go ' Dare to ask me? Do you know i am who?'
That how good his English, never would a gal go to him and woo
One of you will be makin sense, and its probably you
Just talkin abt him makes me reach for powder floo
So i can fly home, and drink my homemade coffee brew
I dint exxagerate, every word i jus said was true.........
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I rest my case.
And yea, of course, the name has been changed.So, if you are from immediate vicinity and trace to the guy, i can still save my skin...
And oh yea, by the way, i still cant seem to decide on a suitable title, so feel free to suggest one, if you are in the mood for it.
March 16, 2005
Waking up...
Waking up in the morning is a hassle.
Especially if you are used to the never wake up before noon schedule.
I've had this schedule for like 6 months now, since last Septamber, because all my classes are in the PM, and i work late at nights anyway on my research.
So, i like this trot back home 5ish in the morning, sleep soundly till noon.
But this sem, we have this class that starts at 8.30 in the morning Monday thro Wed. So, i alter my schedule a little, and sleep by 2 Sun-Tue nights. But it takes the old body plentya time to adapt to the early wake-up. I have been doing this since Jan and im still not used to it. And its kinda cold in the mornings, ard 8, and that old lazy bugger, the sun, does not quite shine as merrily as he would at 12. Probably another nutter like me, a little slow in the morning, his brain and shine, not at thier brightest, literally, those early hours.
I've already missed like 4 classes over the last 3 weeks, and the prof is starting to take notice. And he's like " We have the visiting student today. Now all we need is the visiting professor" when i walked into class yesterday. And last week, he said" You know, we had a lucky draw, and you won a prize. unfortunately, it could only be given if you are present, which you were not, and so, we had to give it to someone else. If only you had attended....."
And its kinda bugging, you know. You are already kickin urself for missing the classes, and to add fuel to the fire, the prof had to be so nice with it. I mean, if he just yells at me, or threatens to reduce my grades, or act son-of-a-bitchy, i wudnt care about it.
Now, i hafta make a real consious effort to attend the classes. And that means waking up early. But how do you know its already time to wake up, when you are sound asleep? Beats me.
And ok, if you are gonna suggest alarm clocks, boo to you. Do you think i havent tried them? I mean, how long does it take to switch it off, and go straight back to sleep, w/o even realising the clock alarmed, and you shut it off. Before you could say G in the 'Get up'.
Have to think a way around this. Probably, alter my entire timetable, and wakin up early all morning, 7 days a week might help. But i dont wanna do that. Aaaah, its a toughie.
Like the computer says in Hitchhikers guide to galaxy "He asked if i could make some tea, and by George, its a toughie".
Especially if you are used to the never wake up before noon schedule.
I've had this schedule for like 6 months now, since last Septamber, because all my classes are in the PM, and i work late at nights anyway on my research.
So, i like this trot back home 5ish in the morning, sleep soundly till noon.
But this sem, we have this class that starts at 8.30 in the morning Monday thro Wed. So, i alter my schedule a little, and sleep by 2 Sun-Tue nights. But it takes the old body plentya time to adapt to the early wake-up. I have been doing this since Jan and im still not used to it. And its kinda cold in the mornings, ard 8, and that old lazy bugger, the sun, does not quite shine as merrily as he would at 12. Probably another nutter like me, a little slow in the morning, his brain and shine, not at thier brightest, literally, those early hours.
I've already missed like 4 classes over the last 3 weeks, and the prof is starting to take notice. And he's like " We have the visiting student today. Now all we need is the visiting professor" when i walked into class yesterday. And last week, he said" You know, we had a lucky draw, and you won a prize. unfortunately, it could only be given if you are present, which you were not, and so, we had to give it to someone else. If only you had attended....."
And its kinda bugging, you know. You are already kickin urself for missing the classes, and to add fuel to the fire, the prof had to be so nice with it. I mean, if he just yells at me, or threatens to reduce my grades, or act son-of-a-bitchy, i wudnt care about it.
Now, i hafta make a real consious effort to attend the classes. And that means waking up early. But how do you know its already time to wake up, when you are sound asleep? Beats me.
And ok, if you are gonna suggest alarm clocks, boo to you. Do you think i havent tried them? I mean, how long does it take to switch it off, and go straight back to sleep, w/o even realising the clock alarmed, and you shut it off. Before you could say G in the 'Get up'.
Have to think a way around this. Probably, alter my entire timetable, and wakin up early all morning, 7 days a week might help. But i dont wanna do that. Aaaah, its a toughie.
Like the computer says in Hitchhikers guide to galaxy "He asked if i could make some tea, and by George, its a toughie".
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