A good book...

Suddenly remembered this hilarious book i read during my UG days.

Penned by Fred Truman, that great English quick bowler and Frank Hardy, a trademark brand Aussie, both of who love to spin 'em yarns, its called " You nearly had him that time, and other cricket stories".

"You nearly had him that time" was the best yarn, and Truman talks about this umpire he once encountered in one of them matches for a club in Australia. The club brought its own umpire, and he always won the game for them. Truman was playing under a different name (Smith - a new fast bolwer for the club) under special request from the captian of the club that was playing against the club that brought its own umpire - a special effort by the club to nullify the advantage of the dubious umpire.

Truman was told about his umpiring, and having not seen him first hand thought of stories about him as an exaggeration, but nevertheless agreed to play and see for self what he's made of.

He marks his run-up first ball, and had the batsman genuinely edge to slips. " Not out". Truman plays it down as a true error by the umpire. Heck, it was the first ball.
Ball two, he bowls one short on the off, and the bat hits it to third man, who pulls of a good catch, in full view of the whole ground." Not out". Now Truman realises what he was up against.
Ball three, a scorcher pitched on middle, and straightening and hitting the batsman on his back foot, as plumb an LBW, if there ever was one." Not out". Truman, thoroughly bugged now whispers" Where's your guide dog, and forgot ur dark glasses back home" as he passes the umpire.
Ball four was a beauty yorker that squares the batter on his back leg right in fronta off, and has the batter whimpering due to the direct contact of ball with the unpadded foot. A more plumb LBW than the previous one. " Not out". Truman asks" Why, was it going under the stumps?". And the umpire says " No more cheek from you boy, else i will penalise your team with 50 runs".
Batsman gets bowled the fifth ball. " Not out".
Last ball of the over. A stunner, if there ever was one. The leg stump cartwheeled and landed next to the sightscreen. The uprooted off stump was held by a alert slip catcher, and they couldnt find the middle stump, anywhere in the ground, and as Truman was about to turn back and appeal, the umpire goes " My god, that was close Smith. You almost had him that time".

Yes, umpires are a strange breed, and especially in a batters game like cricket, a bowler bears the full brunt of the umpire's agony.

I suddenly remebered this because, we were playing a game yesterday, and had a species standing as the umpire, who cant say out from six, as in, he doesnt know whether the six has to be signalled with both hands raised, and he wudnt do that anyway, as that was too much of an exercise for that fatso.

So, i mark my run up, and bowl the first ball. A good ball. A single played down to cover." No ball". I was sure i landed like miles before the crease, and i am like" why?", and he says " You did not say your guard sonny". Next ball, once again called a no-ball, and im like " Why?". "Because you still did not say your guard".
So i say " right arm, over the wicket" and do my run up again, and " no ball" even before i had delivered. I am like " Wtf". And he goes " Just checking if you are alert enough. Carry on". Holy buckets.

Two balls passed without much ado, and a single later, a beauty pitched on off and moving away from the batter. Totally beaten. " Wide". "Hey, that just missed his bat. Thats not a wide".
"Its went down the leg side"
" Of course it did. But cant u see he is a left-hander? Its his off side".
" Now dont get into gory tech details dude. It was down the leg, and hence wide".

This happens three more times, and all wides. I then allow a single, and the right hander takes strike. Pitched on off, and moving away and beaten. " Wide" .
" Why, but it is on the off side this time. Wasnt it? Why wide".
" Because he couldnt hit it. Hence wide".
" It was just that did not hit it. Not could not".
" Its all the same. It is a wide".

My captain got bugged, and we got into a fight and after about 10 minutes of frenzied shouting, i resumed. And he says " Fresh over. Runs will count. The deliveries will not".
The match did not last another ball.

Not very wrong that i recollected the story, and hence the book.

Anyway, the book is a collection of cricket short stories, some 50 of them, each of which are extremely hilarious, in their own right. And a fair dinkum, and must read, if you know your cricket, and enjoy a yarn.

I checked for that book on Amazon to secure a personal copy, and this is what the search resulted in. No references in the top 10, at least.

Anyways, if anybody happens to be reading this, and know of a place where i could get the book from, please feel free to let me know about it. And while you are at it, enjoy the rippin yarn.