All in a day's work

The picture is seating arrangement set up in our lab.

“That’s got to be annoying, huh” JM hollered across the room to JP.
“Son of a bitch”, JP yelled back, “ Have to move out of this lab. At least move this piece of shit out of the room"
" Why is it here and not it the other lab?" queried JM.
" They moved it when none of us were here." said JP.
" They moved it at night, huh, the bastards" said JM.
" No", said JP " They had moved it before any of us had started here. And its been here ever since because we havent moved it yet into a room thats unoccupied".
" But there are no more unoccupied rooms", JM retorted
" Precisely why we havent moved it yet " I ventured.

Not to be left out of this verbal volley, KH suddenly looked up from his PC and shouted “What?”
“Oh, nothing, they are just talking about the loud buzzing noise constantly emanating from the ice machine”. That was me to KH.
“WHAT” yelled back KH, seated a few inches away “I can’t hear ”
And that’s when I understood the joke.

JM still didn’t get it. He walked all the way to KH and pointed to the ice maker and said “That son of a bitch is too noisy”.
“What the fuck are you talking about J, why can’t you say it out loud? I can’t hear you” shouted KH, at the top of his voice. It was madness by this time. JM still didn’t get it.

“Don’t shout man. We were just mentioning about the ice maker and the noise it makes. Cant you hear it?” said JM pointing to the ice maker.
“WHAAAAAAAT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR VOICE J? WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING?”
JM, sod him, still didn’t get it.
“I haven’t lost my voice. You have gone deaf and you are screaming. You cant hear the ice maker and you cant hear me. Anyway, its just mindless chatter. Forget it. Never mind” said JM, giving up on KH, and started to walk back to his desk.

KH yelled out JM’s name, and I mean yelled like 'He-man says HEE MANN' and cried “ If you cant speak up like the rest of the others, send me an email” and that’s finally when JM understood KH is impersonating a deaf guy to show how loud the ice maker machine was.
“Son of a bitch” he cursed KH, because the joke was on him and he didn’t find it funny.
It was a walk in the park for KH by now “What?” he asked.
“Mother fucker” cursed JM.
“Send me an email” said KH stylishly and walked out the room.

And while you are at it, can you feed the fish?

We were at staff lunch Friday afternoon and JM was rattling on again about what had happened when he was escorting his 73rd girlfriend someplace. He is a centre stage talker and a bad one at that, but he doesnt know it and nobody tells him that, partly, i suspect, because that gives the others reasons to bitch about him behind his back. Everybody was laughing at him, me included and was gearing upto tell us about his 53rd girlfriend. He doesnt always go in chronological order, just so you know.

Thats when KFP stepped upto me and asked " Are you busy today afternoon?". Thats a trick question but i gave him the honest answer. "No" i said, regretting the answer the second i said it. I was thinking 'Here comes more work. There goes my Friday night', when he said " Can you get off a little early today evening?". Now, this cant be bad, " Yea, Sure ", i said smiling.
" Cool, can you then drop me off at the airport after work?". You know, i had played right into his hands, there's no way i could say no and anyway, the airport wasnt too far off. I had a feeling he practised this conversation before asking me. Anyway, i consented.

" So, we start at 4.30 and you follow me to my house. I'll park my car and pack my bags in a minute and then we can leave to the airport". I let him know that i thought it was a great plan. Afterall, he is lead researcher and a vice president. You hafta suck up sometime.

Things went by as arranged and at his place, he was packing and i was chewing the fat with him, you know, the usual " Where are you going? How long? Wow, cool" stuff. Thats when he asked me " Hey, i am gone for 4 days. Can you do me a favour? Can you come in for a quick second everyday and feed the fish while i am gone?" and without bothering for my response, he dragged me to his fishtank and showed me his fish and started calling them names and started talking to them " Marble" he said, addressing the leader among fish in his fishtank " Ram here is gonna take care of you when i am gone. Is that okay?". I started praying for Marble to say no, but that didnt happen " Marble says alright" he said, releived that Marble had consented. This left me thinking ' Who names his fish Marble? Correction, who names his fish?'

It was not as bad as i make it sound actually. He lives 5 minutes away and even for a novice, feeding the fish doesnt take more than 10 minutes. And so we rode off to the airport. The ride would have been better had KFP not seen it fit for me to manage his household for the next 3 days.
" I had arranged for my shower leak to be fixed tomorrow at 12. Can you step in at 11.59 and open the house for them and wait till they are done and lock the door after that? You know, you can feed the fish at the same time." How could i not agree " See, you dont even hafta come in twice. Combine the two tasks. Always, manage your time effeciently " he reasoned. I refrained from telling him that i woulda combined the two tasks myself anyway.

After a minute, " Son of a bitch", he exclaimed " I forgot to return the DVDs and books at the library and they are due today. Can you go back today, pick them up and drop them off at the library's drop off box. You dont even hafta go inside the library". I said i would and what a great coincidence, i was going to the library myself anyway.

" Oops, i almost forgot. The newspaper boy just throws the paper outside the door. Can you put it inside". This was followed by "I am expecting a package on Monday. I will send the tracking number via email. Can you be there when it arrives. It should be during lunch time. Even otherwise, can you step in for just a quick second?"

How would i know, he was just striking form. He ended up making a entire page full of 'Things to do' for me. Amongst other tasks, it said 'Water the plants, check the car, pick the mail'.

At the airport after i had helped him unload his suitcases from my trunk, he said " I hope i havent burdened you with too much work".
" Not at all. This is easy. Thanks for the note. That'll help" i said, fighting hard to not show the sarcasm. I was happy he didnt ask me help with his office work, like sorting mails and memos. That might just have made me say that i have other plans. Anyways, i was about to close the trunk and disappear when he said " You know, i arrive at 2.30 AM Tuesday morning. I know its an odd hour but can you pick me up at the airport and drop me off at my house. I could use a ride and catch up on my sleep" And no, he didnt bother for my respnse, " I'll send the flight number via email. See you Tuesday night, sorry Wednesday morning " he corrected himself, giggled, stubbed out his cigarette, turned away and started walking toward the airline counter.

Incomprehensive Information

What he tells his friends "You know i was at this place and there was this girl completely checking me out. She couldnt take her eyes off me. She was blatantly winking at me. It was totally coooool"

What he doesnt tell his friends " I asked this girl if she could take my picture with my camera"