Back again...

Back to blogging after a breif hiatus (almost a month actually) spending time in the sidelines, or refrained to the backbenches as politicians luv to say.
I guess spending time in the sidelines really meant putting time on my research, doing experiments in the lab, analysing data, writing reports, working on my paper and such stuff.
And i cannot pretend for a moment i really like it.
I go through a moronic/robotic existence over the last 3 weeks, and my roomies even complain i stank of Nitrogen gas, from time to time.

All that really doesnt matter now, since the long spell of uncertainity, anguish and anxiety have come to an end.
My advisor agrees to retain me in her lab, so i get to finish this thing i am doing pretty soon, and move in some other direction which i "take" to.
I get pretty surprised by my own reaction when i hear i have been retained.
Of course, although i have been hoping that i would get retained ( who wants to get dumped off ?) , it did not really take me sky-high and what not.
That basically i guess is due to the reason that i am not really liking what i did, am doing now, and what i am going to have to do over the next 2 sems.
But it pays, takes care of my tuition, so i really need not fry my mind on who i need to touch for a fiver for my next weekend beers.

I guess i have to accept it as a part of life, and carry on with this meaningless existence. Kinda like lay low and hang on till the next path opens up.
At this point, i would like to elaborate im in such a situation because i let my life take its course.
Had i sat down, paused for a moment, thought deep, counted to ten , and/or even took a practical, pragmatic outlook, approach towards life,what i want to do, i dun think i wuda landed in the soup i am in right now. ( Things are better now, i was swimming in a worse soup a few weeks ago, and i was forced to drink it too..Me and my sense of humour. Doesnt even extract a grin outta me, and its damn frustrating, when sumthing you intend as a joke, atleast just to urself, backfires and makes u more somber and frown).
Where was i?...Oh yeah, The soup,... i really love tomato soup. No, that wasnt it, was it?

Its all fine to hang low, but what i am afraid of is, if it ( the so-called hanging low and waiting for oppotunity to knock on ur door) gets me back to such inactivity as i have been through before, which i am infamous for, life will just continue to take its own course, and it will just take a huge toll on me, and i cud just as easily enter as a worthy competitor for the " Worst sucker that ever lived" competion, and i cud even make the final 100.
What i really want to do is open up a new pathway , wherein "I" get to control my life, so that it doesnt control me. And "I" want to do that.
I realise i have to got to get a little outward, ambitious, active and enthusiastic ( im still not getting the word i want, is it DRIVE ?) and charter and design and decide the course now on. And basically be my own boss, and stay happy.

If ever i happen to become somebody else's boss, i swear i wud make life a living hell for him/her ( i really do not mean that, and its a pathetic joke, but you must have ur moments too, sometimes, and i really enjoyed it).

But i think i can actually feel proud of what i have done over the last one month.
I prove to myself and my boss ( why shud i keep dragging her everytime?) that i am good at whatever i do, if i decide to work hard on it.
My whole life the whole of last month was like work, work, work, work, work ,work, and more work. No TV, No olympics, No movies, No cricket, No binges, No parties, No vacations, No time-offs, Not even internet.
It was a fucking pathetic way to live, and i do not intend to live that way anymore.
Why do i start crying all over it once again, when what i really wanted to say was i was proud of myself.
Yeah, i am proud of what i have done, and i think i will take it as a big plus, and work in that direction, in terms of the amount of work and application i have had to put in.
If at all, there comes a time in the future, where i becum insipid and lacking in interest/involvement to work, i think the experience i gained over the last 3 weeks shud really stand me in good stead to work my ass off.
Thats enuff of it for the moment i think.

Now that school is back in full swing, i really get some time off, pretending to be busy with my studies, and hence taking it easy off the lab.
Classes are pretty cool this sem. None of them seem to be really tough, and i dont have to slog to make top grades.
Now, that definitely more optimistic, and the way to be.

Am off for a quiet smoke, and a short sleep.
If i see through this Friday and weekend pretty good, i shud be coasting the next 3 weeks.

Just a very optimistic quote to finish the day with .....
" Never worry about the world coming to an end today.Its already tomorrow in Australia"
Australia, a land full of prisoners/ convicts, and they already have a brighter tomorrow.