Insomniac...

Its 1.15 in the morning...
And i cant sleep.
Been having trouble with my sleep lately. Been tossing and turning all the time. Having dreams. Real bad and irrelevant dreams at that. Weird thoughts go on as a result of that.
And its like a trend.
Im afraid im becoming insomniac.
Let me illustrate.. yeah, illustrate, now thats a grand word.

Recently, i dreamt of being at a dinner party with some Indian friends and during the dinner, a major fight broke out between the north and south indian factions. Because the South Indians had finished all the north indian snacks while at the same time chastising them for how tasteless they were and wouldnt let the northies eat south indian snacks.... or something along those lines. Real wierd.
So, anyway a fight broke out over that and i was made captain of the south faction and i was discussing the repercussions of the fight with the north counterpart. We were smoking a joint outside discussing the repercussions of the fight while our troops were banging each other indoors. Then we had another joint discussion (pun intended) and decided we should have another joint, i mean discussion, in 15 minutes while we went in and surveyed the damages. And when we entered, we found out the fight had stopped and everybody was all chummy inside and watching something on the tv, beer in hand. And then the north deputy (who they had all elected spokesman) told us the fight had been foreplanned and was a decoy to stop me from getting to the beers first. And everybody just laughed me out the party.

I woke up with a cold sweat. I ran to the fridge to see if my supplies are still there. You know, what do you do with dreams like this.. Real bad and irrelevant dreams.

So anyway, this has become a bugging pattern of late. And its cutting into my work. I toss and turn for 6 hours at night. I wake up at 6 in the morning, everyday. I dont want to wake up at 6 in the morning. It bugs me to wake up like that. All stiff and absolutely not fresh at all. Its the opposite of fresh. Anyway, i wake up and i say, you know, lets just get it over with. Brush teeth, bathe, freshen up a bit, goto work early, leave work early and sleep early and catch up on sleep tonight. And i go and brush my teeth. I am out of toothpaste and my apartment-mate uses Colgate and i swear those are the worst toothpastes ever made. I mean, you are looking for something to freshen up. To wake you up in the morning. A paste like Close-up wakes you up. It does something and sends some signals that tells the brain its a new day, so wake the fuck up...

I mean, just look at the ad. I love the Close-up ad. The dood is all drowsy when he gets up, he yawns and hits the wash and he puts some Closeup on his toothbrush and the minute the brush reaches his teeth, his eyes open up and he grins a very ugly grin, a grin that shows his day is well and under. It freshens you up. It sends the pulse racing. It makes you fresh just watching that. Colgate is the opposite of that. Yes, its the best toothpaste for germs, it prevents cavity, it has calcium and is good for the teeth but it does not wake you up in the morning. If they were honest about the product, this is how their ad should be. A zippy dude, who is all fresh and all, decides he needs to slow down and get some rest and sleep. So, he goes to the wash and gets his brush and puts some Colgate. The minute it reaches his teeth, he falls asleep. It serves a double, maybe even triple purpose. First it puts you to sleep instantly and the teeth are protected while he is asleep. That how their ads should be, not about some family somewhere where the grandfather is in his white kurtas crunching and spitting out on his pistachio shells with gay abandon... They should have a caption like ' Working on your teeth while you are asleep' or something creepy like that.

And its with this knowldege in mind, the old men prophesized 'Brush twice daily. After you wake up and before you goto sleep.' They wanted to add 'With Closeup in the morning and with Colgate at night' but they had just tested out Colgate and fallen asleep before adding to their prophecy.

And while i am at it, let me confess teeth and feet are among the words i hate because i always get confused about which is the singular and which is the plural.... Why cant they just say tooths and foots. Whats wrong with that? No, they have to say teeth and feet. Sophisticated asses. See, now that is simple because i dont have to goto dictionary.com to find out the plural of ass. But the Brits want to call it arse. The Brits.. dont even let me get started on the Brits.

So, i am just lying in my bed, tossing and turning, cant digest the fact that i cant get any sleep. I start thinking of weird things. During the initial bouts of insomnia and laying awake in bed, i used to think about how much i miss home and reminisce the good times with my uncles and all, used to digress how it would be to live like Holden Caulfeld and movies like Schindlers List and used to get really depressed as hell.

I think i am adapting to insomnia like a man these days. I can warm upto and face the fact that i cant sleep. I turn the lights on (I have repositioned the bed so the light switch is at arms distance) and start reading my favourite Irwin Shaw short stories. If Irwin Shaw cant put me to sleep, nothing can. I recognized this trait with Irwin Shaw. The way he writes, its like you are lying on your grandpa's lap listening to tales and time is never a factor, at least to me. You cant get enough. Anyway, to stop digressing, i would try to sleep again but the mind goes back to weird thoughts. Although the thoughts are better these days. I think of funny stuff like Zoolander, 40 year old virgin and burst laughing. I digress on why none of my friends can remember the name Djimon Hounsou. I spoke to 4 people and each time, during the closing phase of the phone conversation where we ask about books and movies (because you are out of things to talk, usually followed by weather and talk to you later) and we spoke about Blood Diamond and everybody was ooh,aah ing Dicaprio and i would say 'I think Djimon Hounsou was way better' and everybody is like 'Yeah, yeah. The black dude, right. He was good. Whats his name again?'
What do you do with thoughts like these?

Am sorry, what was the intention of this post... Yeah, about how i am getting insomniac.. Yeah.. And it affects my work. It affects the productivity and quality of my output, now thats royal fucking grand. Coming from me, because i typed this junk almost exclusively at work. Maybe if i try blogging when not getting sleep, i will sleep in a jiffy. Thats something to think about. Or maybe i should just brush at nights with Colgate. Maybe i'll try that too.